A caring story

By this stage, aged 16, my own mental health had decreased and I was put on anti-depressants with no explanation of their effects. For the next six months I struggled with every aspect of my life and dropped out of college as I had given up. I took the wrong path in life, spent my time with the wrong people and saw no future for myself.

Lauren's story

I was asked to write this article about caring and my story for this journal and would like to thank you for taking the time to read the truth behind caring and growing up as a carer.

My name is Lauren; I am 19 years old and began caring when I was 13. I would say I am a well-rounded, confident and upbeat type of person but if you take a minute or so to read my story, you will see how I got where I am today.

Most people see carers as people who look after physical disabilities, but it is so much wider than this; mental health and substance misuse is on the rise - what happens to the family members who have to adapt their lives and deal with these problems?

My life

I lived in a ‘typical’ family, two parents and two children. Both my parents worked and we lived in a lovely family home. At the age of 13, my parents got divorced; over a six-month period, my mum moved away, my brother was at university, and I made the decision to stay in my home town to live with my dad.

From here, my dad began suffering with mental health problems causing ongoing alcohol abuse, which led to a long, strenuous battle for me as a teenager. I had to deal with my dad’s severe episodes of depression after a long day of drinking, giving him masses of emotional support and someone to listen to his problems when he was feeling low.

I ensured the house was secure after he arrived home on school nights, at sometimes four or five am, locking up, turning off the oven and checking to ensure he was safe. My dad was bad with money so I supported him in dealing with bills, ensuring enough money was there for food and other essential items, but we often went without as he would spend the money on alcohol. To my friends I would make excuses as to why I couldn’t let them come round or why I couldn’t stay out, and throughout my school life I kept my secret life at home close to my chest. I left school with amazing GCSE results and no one would have known about the roles I was taking on at home.

College was hard and with my dad’s drinking getting worse, I found it hard to commit my time and concentration into the five academic subjects I had chosen on a whim. I asked for extra support but when I was given it and didn’t show up for an eight am session as I was up with my dad until five am, they got cancelled.

By this stage, aged 16, my own mental health had decreased and I was put on anti-depressants with no explanation of their effects. For the next six months I struggled with every aspect of my life and dropped out of college as I had given up. I took the wrong path in life, spent my time with the wrong people and saw no future for myself.

In 2012, I found myself at a point of crisis, with no education, employment or training in place; I was spending my days with my thoughts and was coping poorly in every aspect of life. I called every service that dealt with children support and alcohol support, and eventually found myself at my local carers’ centre, where over the past 18 months they have guided me to where I am today. I have a strong head and an even stronger mind set; my dad is still drinking but I have learnt to support him from afar. I moved out of my dad’s home and got my head together. In the past two months my carers centre have given me the fantastic opportunity to work with them so I can give back to other carers what I received and am forever grateful for.

Being a carer

Being a young carer (YC) or a Young Adult Carer (YAC) is difficult and there are many barriers and challenges that each individual faces on a daily basis. Social isolation and loneliness are two of the biggest factors in a carers’ life and overcoming these can be a challenge in themselves. A lot of carers believe they are alone and no one understands how it feels to be a carer along with dealing with the day to day life problems that occur when growing up. Opening the door to carers and allowing them in engage positively with other carers gives them the courage and understanding that there are many others in very similar situations to themselves.

There is a lot of stigma attached to being a carer or having problems at home. and this can hugely affect the peer support given by school friends due to lack of understanding and knowledge. In response to this, statistics show that over two thirds of all carers suffer from bullying during their life, which can cause a decrease in confidence and self-esteem. Poor school attendance or achievement is another key factor to recognising a carer as typically carers achieve about 10-15% lower in their grades and have 15-20% less attendance than other pupils who do not take on a caring role.

At 14 I requested to speak to my doctor and confessed that I thought I was suffering from depression. From this, this response was ‘You’re 14. It’s just a phase. You’re not depressed, you’re just sad’. How could me, a 14 year old girl cope with this rejection and lack of guidance?

When I reached college, my attendance was dreadful and when I was in I would often go to the nurse and complain about various different things so I would get a pass to leave the college but not lose my place on my course. College never asked why attendance was so low and gave me punishments for not attending.

In December 2012, I was eventually diagnosed with depression and was handed a prescription of citalopram with no understanding of what it was, the side effects, or the dangers of the drug. I told college I was diagnosed and they didn’t ask any questions and I was told it would be ‘noted’. I later found out that no one, after all my efforts, had noted anything I had ever disclosed to them. I needed support and a listening ear rather than a ‘telling off’. I needed someone to ask if I was OK, I needed someone to show an interest into my life and why I was so ill and low. But I never got this. So I left college and entered the big wide world, lost and alone.

I feel this is the same for too many carers, they slip through the net and their needs are missed meaning they continue in life with a lack of support and guidance from people who should have been there to support them. I wish someone had asked questions about my life and given me the time to open up and understand that people cared for my needs too. Demands are high, but giving people the time and understanding they deserve can save so many people feeling so very lost and alone.

And finally...

I can only hope that this has given you a small insight to just one life and how such small changes would have made such a huge difference to my future. I can now say, I am supported amazingly and I know how much of a fantastic job you all do. So from me, and I’m sure many other carers, thank you for your care and attention.

Yours,

Lauren

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Carers Trust

There are 290,369 young adult carers like Lauren between the ages of 16-24 in the UK. According to the 2011 Census there are 200,000 young carers (under 18) in the UK; however, a BBC survey in 2010, estimated that there could be as many as 700,000.

A carer is anyone who cares, unpaid, for a friend or family member who due to illness, disability, a mental health problem or an addiction cannot cope without their support. There are seven million carers in the UK. That is one in 10 people and the number is rising. Three in five people will become carers at some point in their lives.

Carers Trust is the largest charity for carers. We work to improve support, services and recognition for anyone living with the challenges of caring. We do this with our Network Partners - a unique network of 116 independent carers’ centres, 55 Crossroads Care schemes and 99 Young Carers services. Together we work as one organisation united by a shared vision for carers - to make sure that information, advice and practical support are available to all carers across the UK.

For more information visit http://www.carers.org  and http://professionals.carers.org/

Demands are high, but giving people the time and understanding they deserve can save so many people feeling so very lost and alone.